


The Light Behind Your Eyes

by lrfbaratz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, MCR, song!fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-25
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-18 05:18:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1416502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lrfbaratz/pseuds/lrfbaratz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas met on a subway train. The way they feel about each other from the get go is the closest you can get to love at first sight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Subway Trains are for Chick Flicks

**Author's Note:**

> This work is written entirely in the viewpoint of Dean Winchester. Well, at least AU Dean Winchester.  
> I may also throw in references to the song "The Light Behind Your Eyes" by My Chemical Romance. It is the title of the work, but it will also be part of the plot (messages in the song anyway).
> 
> I do not own Supernatural or any rights to the song The Light Behind Your Eyes.

* * *

This is my way of remembering Castiel Novak.

This is the story of Castiel and I's relationship.

This is a memoir I have decided to write about Cas. "Why?" Some may ask. Well the answer is simple, I miss him, and I still love him, and I always will.

* * *

 After work I was tired, fed up, not in the mood for any bull shit, and hungry. I was certainly displeased when I found my car no longer in the parking space, in its place was a tow away notice, with a man's scribbled handwriting all over the yellow sheet of paper. Needless to say I was extremely pissed off, but I didn't have the time to go and get the car, I would pick it up in the morning. So I walked down the sidewalk and saw a passage to go to the subway, so I walked down the stairs, a blur of people rushed by in different directions, their voices carrying, so many different conversations, it was beginning to give me a headache.

I walked to the map to look for what train I had to get on. The only one that even came close to my neighborhood was Train A, which was highlighted in orange.

I quickly payed for the $3.00 ticket at the teller and ran to catch the 9:45pm train. I made it just on time, the door was closing behind me as I lept onto the train, nearly knocking over a dark haired man in a trench coat.

"Sorry man," I said "I am a little late."

"No problem, what are you late for?" He responded.

I wasn't really looking for conversation but the guy looked nice enough, so I decided why not give him a chance.

"Well, I just got off work, and my car was towed, so I'm on my way home."

"You aren't exactly late for anything are you?"

"Well... No, I guess not, more so I was just late for the train."

"It's fine."

"What are you on the train for?"

"I am on my way back from work too."

"Was your car towed too?"

"No, I don't own a car. I just take the subway everywhere."

"Ah."

"It's not a money problem, I just think it's pointless to drive a car when the streets are constantly filled with Taxi's and other people trying to drive cars."

"I could understand that."

"Sorry, but uh, what is your name?"

"My name? It's Dean, Dean Winchester." I smiled a little and looked at the man more closely. "What is your name?"

"Castiel Novak, I am very pleased to meet you Dean." He replied as he took my hand and shook it.

His eyes were the bluest blue that could ever blue. Yes, those are the words I am using to describe his eyes because that is just how wonderfully intoxicating the blue was, they were so blue on the word blue can be used to describe them. They were filled with light, they shined brighter than the sun, and just by looking into them you would instantly feel better. They had a vibe to them.

I almost didn't know what to do when he took my hand, I was still awestruck by his eyes. But when I realized he just wanted to shake my hand, like any good natured human being, I squeezed back and shook his hand casually.

His complexion was rather pale, and his dark hair stood out against it, literally. His hair stuck out in every direction, it was perfectly messy. It was... beautiful.

"Same here Castiel." I replied as I shook the man's hand, "Can I just call you Cas?"

"Sure, I don't see why not." Cas replied.

"I am starving," I said as my stomach began to growl, "I know I just met you, and it might sound weird, but do you want to go to a Domino's Pizza when we arrive at the next stop, I have to get off anyway, and I am starving, so... What do you say?"

"Sure, I would love to get to know you better." Cas replied with a smile.

My smile was nearly ten miles wide when he said yes. I thought it was so weird, I just met the guy, and here I was asking him to eat with me, and not only that, but I was in the worst mood ever when I jumped onto the train, but once I started talking to Cas, whatever was weighing me down was lifted from my shoulders, it was as if all of my worries had escaped my mind.

When the train came to a stop we both got off and walked to the pizza place. We talked about the stress of work and we laughed about how ridiculously late it was getting.

He was a stranger, but the realization never hit me, it was as if we had been friends since birth. It felt natural talking to somebody like this. The closest thing I had ever had to a friendship was with my brother Sammy, but we were siblings, it was almost expected of us to be friends.

"So, why exactly are you hungry? It's ten at night." Cas asked.

"I could eat food all day everyday, but there are times when I am just a little bit hungrier. And, i don't know, I guess I am just particularly hungry right now." I replied, walking up to the counter to order, "Cas, what do you want?".

"I'll pay for my own meal." His voice was similar to the sound of a car going over gravel, it was deep and rough, and oddly... it gave me a sense of relaxation, as if I was safe when I was around this man.

"Cas, I brought up the idea, I'm paying, and It's cheaper to just buy one pizza."

"I agreed to the idea. At least let me pay half."

"Fine. What do you want on the pizza?"

"I don't care, whatever you want on it."

"Alright," I said, looking at him uncertainly. "Can I get a medium pizza with pepperoni on it?"

"Is that all you want sir?" The man at the counter asked. His name tag read 'ALFIE' in large black letters.

"Umm, can we have two medium fountain drinks?"

"Will that be all?" Alfie asked.

"Yes."

"It'll be about ten minutes." He said handing me the receipt and two medium sized cups with the Domino's logo on it.

"Here Cas." I said handing him the other cup.

"Ten minutes?" He asked.

"Yea, We'll just sit down until they call us up." We walked over to the drink fountain, which didn't really have a very large selection. It was mostly regular and diet. I decided on a Pepsi, and Cas chose a root beer.

We then walked to the seating area, which wasn't very large. It included a grand total of 3 tables two of them made for four people to sit at but only including 3 chairs. The other table was made for two people, and it currently had one chair waiting for an occupant.

"Cas, go ahead and sit down, I'll get another chair." I said as I gestured towards the empty chair and grabbed one of the chairs at the table beside that one. As I dragged it across the tile floor, the legs of the chair let out an unpleasant squealing sound that brought back the headache that was long forgotten after I began talking to Cas. He just looked at me and laughed, which eased my thoughts which were zooming around at a thousand miles an hour, it was impossible to focus on one simple thing.

"Do you enjoy drawing attention to yourself? Having your car towed, jumping onto a train, and now dragging a squealing chair across the floor. Dean Winchester, you are on peculiar man." Cas smiled throughout the entire sentence, the sound of joy in his voice never breaking. How could _a man_ make me feel so calm? It was a new feeling, it was different, and this guy seemed... well, awesome.

"No, I don't usually. But there are some occasions when I might try to draw attention." I smiled, and maybe I was being a little cocky, just maybe.

"So, you drive a car?"

"Indeed I do."

"What kind of car is it?"

"A 67' Chevrolet Impala." I replied proudly. It was my baby, I can recite her name, make, model, and serial number by heart. No problem.

"Interesting choice," he looked at me, eyes floating up and down, "I think it suits you."

"Really? How so?"

"You have that old soul feel to you, the casual wear you decided to put on today speaks volumes. An old Led Zeppelin T-shirt, faded jeans, a leather jacket, and boots. I could be reading you wrong, but that is what I see every time I look at you." He smiled, "It's not a bad thing Dean, coming from me, I would consider it a compliment."

"I would hope you aren't putting me down." I laughed, then I heard the familiar voice of Alfie calling out our order number. "Looks like our food is ready!"

I came back with the pizza box, two Styrofoam plates, and some napkins. Even though Cas joked about me being hungry he looked really happy to see me back with the pizza, his eyes growing wide as I neared the table. When I set down the plates and the box he was the first to get a piece.

"And you laughed at me for wanting to eat at ten at night." I laughed, sitting down myself.

"What can I say, pizza is pretty great." He smiled shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Lunch, I was just going to go home and fix a box of macaroni, but I would rather have this."

"I can agree with that."

The rest of the meal was filled with small talk about the food and the pizza place they were eating at. It also included the occasional sound of a drink being sucked through a straw, the crinkling of the paper napkin as it is wiped across one of our faces, the sound of the plate moving when we pick up a piece of pizza, or the sound of one of us stuffing another slice of pizza being stuffed into our mouth.

I hadn't had a meal like that since Sammy went to college.

"We should do this again." I said as we dumped our trash into the bin.

"We should, if you give me your number we can set something up."

"Yea, sounds good. Do you have a pen?" I grabbed a napkin from the counter.

"Yes, here you go." He handed me the pen and I scribbled my number out onto the napkin for him.

"If you give me yours I can put you in as a contact and we won't have to worry about confusion later." I offered.

"Sounds good, here." He said handing me a ripped off corner of the napkin with his number in much nicer handwriting than mine.

"Wow, your handwriting is actually legible."

"Well, when you are a teacher your handwriting has to be somewhat legible."

"A teacher? Really?"

"Yea. It's not bad, sometimes it can be enjoyable."

"What grade?"

"I teach seniors at the nearby high school."

"Wow, I'm friends with a teacher. Never thought I could say that."

"Friends?"

"Well, yea. We shared a pizza and good-hearted conversation. I would hope we would be friends."

"Sounds good to me."

As we walked out of the restaurant I smiled. I actually had a friend. A really good one at that. So what he was a little nerdy, sometimes that just makes it even better.

After we said our goodbyes I realized that something had died a little inside of me, I realized that there was a new feeling beginning to grow, and I had no idea what it was, but it was enjoyable, and I liked it. And it was all because of one man, that man, Castiel.

I had a best friend.


	2. So Long To All of My Friends

* * *

When I got home the first thing I did was put Cas's number in my phone, I was smiling the entire time, and when I put in his name my cheeks began to hurt. I began to laugh at the memory of a man I had literally known for about two hours. Although it didn't feel like two hours, it felt like we had known each other for years. At that moment all I wanted to do was press the call button, I wanted to hear his voice again, I wanted to talk to him, but I was tired, and so was he, so I decided against it.

I went upstairs and took a shower before going to bed. I couldn't get Cas off of my mind, I never stopped smiling that night. It effected my sleep that night, and when I woke up in the morning my cheeks were sore.

Back at that time I didn't think anything of it, I just thought it was because I finally had a friend that hadn't died tragically, or at least hadn't gone insane with thoughts of monsters, angels, and demons. But now that I look back on it, it was the beginning, Cas left a spark in me, happiness. Something I hadn't felt in a long time, even when I was around Sam, nothing was the same anymore, we were older, life was getting bland, and we were getting older, there was nothing exciting in our lives, nothing to talk about, nothing to make us extremely happy anymore. I guess it's just a side effect of getting older. But there are cures that exist, and mine was Castiel.

I was still smiling when I got out of bed. It was a Saturday, so I didn't have to worry about work. I basically just got out of bed, ate breakfast, watched TV, and waited for Cas to call. And there really wasn't that much waiting involved in that last part because it was 10:24 AM when he called. I picked it up on the first ring, and maybe I was a little to over ecstatic, but what can I say, the man left a mark on me.

"Hi." We both said simultaneously. We both began to laugh lightly before Cas finally spoke.

"I was gonna wait, but, I couldn't. I figured you were at work, but I decided to call and try anyway, I really just wanted to talk." Cas's voice exhibited some hesitance.

"It's fine, I almost called you, but I wasn't for sure because I don't really know the schedule of a teacher."

"Glad to know we're on the same page here Dean." I could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke, "You know, you never did tell me what you did for a living."

"I'm a mechanic. I work on cars and deal with stuff that has to do with cars."

"Dean, I know what a mechanic is."

"I figured you did, but... Oh shut up." Cas chuckled on the other end of the line. "Hey, Cas, I know we just met, but I'm bored, and I... I wanted to know if you wanted to come over. Now before you get all weird I just wanted to say that you are like my only friend, and I don't know, I just... So, you wanna come over or not?"

"Yea, but, where exactly do you live?"

"Oh, yea, I guess that part is important too, ha-ha, I live on Haven Avenue, in the apartment building. I'm in apartment 67."

"Okay, thanks. What time do you want me over?"

"Oh, I don't care Cas. Just bring some money or whatever so we can get lunch." The smile on my face was growing wider and wider.

"What If I just make my way over now?"

"That'll do, I'm perfectly fine with that."

"Alright, I'll be there in like 25 minutes. Bye Dean, see you in 25."

"Bye, Cas. See you in 25" We were both laughing as we ended the call.

I just walked around, not actually processing the fact that I was still only in my underwear until 15 minutes had passed by. I was in a rush trying to get ready and look half-way decent. I also realized I should probably pick up a little bit, and he was gonna be there at any minute.

"Damn it!" I said to myself as I hastily gathered the random clutter around the living room and kitchen. "What the hell am I supposed to do with- MY ROOM!"

I threw what was in my arms at the bedroom door, thinking it was somewhat open, but when the clutter just made a loud _thud_ against the door, I realized that it wasn't. SO I ran over to the door and turned the knob, swinging it open, and casually throwing everything on the floor in a five-foot radius into my room. I had just finished tossing everything into the room when I heard a knock at the door. I hastily shut the door as i yelled, "I'm coming!". As I jogged to the door I ended up tripping, on absolutely nothing. I literally just tripped and fell flat on my face causing, what I'm sure was the entire building to shake. The _thud_ of my body hitting the ground made Cas swing the door open and come running to me.

"OH MY GOD! DEAN, ARE YOU OKAY?" Cas was panicking as he ran towards me.

"Mphmghu," I groaned as I tried to get up. But then I saw Cas and my face turned bright red. "Shit, oh my god, don't, oh my- I am such a fucking idiot, oh my fucking god." Instead of looking Cas in the eye when I said this I just buried my face into the floor.

Cas and I just sat there for a good minute or two, Cas' expression never changed, he still had that worried look on his face until I rolled over on my back, and I began to groan in embarrassment yet again. Then I just looked at Cas, and began laughing uncontrollably.

"Dean?" Cas asked a little hesitantly.

"Yea?" I replied, my laughter began to die down, until I opened my eyes again. I wasn't laughing at Cas, I was laughing at my clumsiness, and how Cas had witnessed it, and I looked like the biggest idiot ever.

"Are you okay?"

"Yea man, I'm fine."

"What the hell happened?"

"I tripped."

"On what?"

"Nothing, I just fell. I probably tripped over my own foot or something. Doesn't matter, either way I look like an idiot."

"Dean, I don't care if you look like an idiot," He said as he helped me up. "That doesn't matter to me, I am your friend, I honestly don't care that you tripped over your own feet. Although I'm not gonna lie, it is pretty funny." Cas began laughing too, and at first I just gave him a meaningless glare, but it wasn't long before I broke out into laughter too.

"Damn you, Cas. Oh my god, I hate you." I jokingly punched him in the arm. "Alright, so what do you want to do?"

"Dean, I am at your house, I don't know what we can do other than eat your food and joke about each other."

"Well, you have a point. But, I do have a TV, and you brought money for lunch right? We've only got an hour before lunch, so we can watch an episode of Star Trek, an episode of Doctor Who, two episodes of Spongebob, or we can just sit around and discuss whatever we want."

"Dean, I don't care, all of those options sound great."

"Let's watch Spongebob, but completely ignore it and just talk or whatever."

"Actually, that sounds awesome."

We ended up wasting 20 minutes just discussing what we were gonna do, so when we turned on the TV Spongebob was already more than halfway over.

"Why the hell are we watching Spongebob?" I laughed.

"Because you brought up the idea, Dean."

"Well we didn't actually have to follow through with it. We could just watch a soap opera or-"

"A soap opera? What even- Dean, how is that any better than Spongebob?"

"Soap operas have a meaningful plot to them."

"Yes, drama, lust, and death is a meaningful plot."

"It can be." we were both laughing at the thought of watching a soap opera. "It's just the daytime ones that are bad. Well most of them anyway."

"You take time out to watch them?" Cas laughed.

"Well, yes, but only on occasion."

"Oh my god, Dean. You sound like my mother."

That time I punched him a little harder but it was still in a good hearted nature. "I hate you."

"You've known me for less that 24 hours, you can't hate me." Cas laughed.

I just gave him another meaningless glare. Our entire relationship was built around false hate and shitty jokes.

"It sure as hell doesn't feel like it has been less than 24 hours. I feel like I've known you all of my life."

"I can only agree to that statement."

We just kind of stared at each other after that, we hadn't really realized how much time we had spent just sitting there talking to each other until the credits of the episode we were watching started rolling across the screen.

"Before we actually go get food, I need to stop and get my car."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I forgot to feed the meter yesterday while I was at work, and they towed my car."

"Well, that can be a problem. So we are going to get your car, then we are going to lunch?"

"Yea, hope you don't mind."

"No, no, not at all. Why didn't you just get it last night?"

"Well, I met this distraction, and his name is Castiel." Cas blushed at my words. It was only true, he took my mind off of everything, all of the stress that work put on me, my car, and **nothing** can distract me from my Baby. But somehow, Cas managed to do just that.

"What kind of car is it?" He asked as we walked out of the apartment.

"A 67' Impala." I replied fumbling for my keys.

"Really? Wow, I'm jealous."

"You know cars?"

"Yea, a little."

The _ding!_ of the elevator doors surprised me, and woke me up.

"You alright there Dean? You seem a little jumpy."

"I'm just a little tired, it took me forever to fall asleep last night." I decided to leave out the reason why I couldn't fall asleep because I didn't want to scare the guy off. Thank god he didn't ask.

"Same here. My head was swimming in a sea of thoughts that weren't completely processing. And I tried to focus on just one idea, but it wasn't really working out very well because that idea branched off into other ideas."

"That was exactly what happened to me."

The weather outside was dull, the sky was covered with clouds and the temperature was nothing extravagant, although the wind wasn't helping the fact that it wasn't exactly what I would call "warm".

"Dean, do you have any idea where your car is exactly?"

"Yea, it's just down the road." We began walking down the street towards the pound, and all I could do was pray that nothing had happened to her while she was being towed.

When we got there I could see her parked in the corner, she looked fine, as if nothing had happened, so I wasn't too worried about anything, I had the money, in case there was fee, now it was just a matter of filling out paperwork.

"Hey Cas, just go sit down and look at a magazine or something while I get the paperwork and stuff." I gestured to the seating area with my arm, then I turned around to the lady at the desk.

"Hello. How may I help you?" The lady at the desk asked in a cheery voice.

"Hi, my name is Dean Winchester. My car was towed last night, and I've come to get it back."

"Okay, what kind of car is it?"

"It's the '67 Impala."

"Alright, if you could just fill out this paper work for me, then we should have you on your way." The woman handed me the stack of papers, "The places that you don't have to sign are highlighted in blue." Her smile made me sick, how could a person be so happy in a dump like this? The paint was chipping away, and the lighting was terrible. Flies flew around the dimming lights and ants invaded the bowl of candy that they had at the desk. It smelled like a middle school gym locker room, and the air smelled like mold and mildew.

I walked over to Cas and sat down next to him.

"Hey Cas, wanna do this paper work for me?"

"Dean, that's funny, but I'd much rather read about 'Justin Bieber making racist remarks'." He smirked and then looked at me, "Dean, I'm not doing your paperwork."

"I know, but, I just thought it was worth a try. Now get back to reading about Justin Bieber." I couldn't even keep a straight face as the word Justin rolled off my tongue. "Oh god, please tell me you aren't actually- oh my god Cas."

"What, I had to find something to do, and this was on the cover of the magazine, so... It was either this or reading about how bad Obama is as president."

"I would've gone with Obama personally."

"I hate politics."

"Well, I am just learning so much about you today." I turned towards him again, and my smile was stretching across my face. Cas looked slightly annoyed, but he was obviously fine with my teasing.

"Are you going to fill out your paperwork? Or are we just going to sit here until they close?"

"Fine." The paper work didn't take that long, there was actually quite a bit highlighted in blue, I only had a few things to sign. And because of that we had Baby in no time at all.

"You said this was a '67?" Cas asked when we got in the car.

"Yea. It used to be my Dad's, but he gave it to me."

"It looks like it is brand new. You must really love this car."

"Ya, she's my Baby. I wouldn't let anybody else take her from me. I've built her from the ground up at least 3 times before."

"You're like a proud mother." Cas laughed.

"So where are we going?"

"There's that new family owned diner in town, we can go there. I heard that they had great pie."

"PIE? If there is pie, we are going there."

"Well, looks like we're going there then."

"Where exactly is it?"

"It's on Main, if I remember right."

"Piiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!" I yelled happily as we turned onto the main road.

"What's with you and pie?"

"It's amazing, and obviously if it's good pie I want it. Why wouldn't I want pie? Why aren't you yelling pie?" I looked at Cas waiting for an answer.

"Piiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!" Cas yelled.

"There we go!" We both broke into laughter after that. "Is that it?" I asked pointing to the small building on the side of the road. It was decent sized, not too big, but not too small, the windows took up most of the walls. The paint was a bright red, and the door was painted white, as were the window sills.

"Jerry's? Well, hopefully the pie is better than the name."

Although it looked small on the outside it was actually pretty big when you walked inside, but it was probably just longer than what I had seen when we pulled up.

The sign at the door said "Please seat yourself! A waiter will be at your table soon!".

"Well Cas, I guess we should find a seat."

We walked around until we found a table with two chairs. We then sat down and pulled out the menus that sat there.

"They have a bacon cheeseburger." I said to Cas, turning the menu towards him, and pointing to the listing of the burger.

"That's what I'm getting."

"Burgers and pie... I like this place already."

When the waitress came to our table and asked what we wanted we gave her the entire order, drinks, main course, and desert. She took the order and asked us if we wanted it all at once, or if we just wanted to let her know when to bring the next course out. We told her we would go with the second option.

Deciding on everything and giving the waitress your entire order, actually made eating out much smoother for both the waitress and us. There were no questions  about what we wanted, it was simply her bringing the food to us and the occasional "How are you doing?". It was simple and it flowed nicely, giving Cas and I more time to talk to each other.

I knew it wouldn't be long before the topic of family came about, but either way I was unprepared for it. My family was a mess, and the only living member was my brother, Sam. My mother died in a fire when Sam was six months old, my father got involved with... some terrible people and the black market, needless to say he ended up getting himself killed because of a deal he made, and my uncle Bobby (who was more like a father to me than John ever could be) got caught in the middle of a gang shoot out.

"Dean... I am so sorry." Cas said after I explained to him my family.

"Cas, you don't have to say sorry, it's been a while, and I'm fine now." The apologetic look never left Cas' eyes. "Tell me, what's your family like?"

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, my family is surrounded by death too. I had two brothers, Balthazar and Gabriel, but Balthazar was stabbed about four years ago, during a bank robbery, and Gabriel went missing about five years ago. And let me tell you, 'missing' is the worst title you can give a loved one, there is no closure, there is no body, dead or alive, it's just another word for 'We have no idea where the fuck this person is', and basically we've just had this question mark taped over Gabe's name for the past five years. And as for my parents, well, I have never met them, my brothers and I had been a part of a foster home service since I can remember." The look in Cas' eyes changed slightly, this time it was more like an apologetic longing, as if it was his fault for all of these things. I soon realized that when I had explained my family to Cas, I had the exact same look in my eyes.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry to hear that." Cas' losses were more recent than mine, excluding Bobby, but I had dealt with loss far too often, so when Bobby died, sure, it took me a while to recover, but not as long as it would have, had my friends and family still been alive. "It's not just my family that has a noose around it's neck. Cas, everybody that I have ever loved has met a tragic end, whether they be friends, girlfriends,or family, pretty much everybody has died, or disappeared." Cas' eyes were apologetic once again. "I-I'm sorry Cas, I've never actually shared that with anyone."

"Dean, don't apologize. I'm glad that you have entrusted me with this information." He reached for my hand across the table, as if to comfort me. Oddly, I found it comforting, I didn't have a problem with it. Three days ago, had any man other than Sam try to comfort me in that  way, I would've freaked out, hell, I still probably would've questioned Sam about it. But this time I was completely fine with the gesture.

The waitress came back and took the plates, asking if we would like our desert now, or if we wanted it in a to-go box.

"We'll just take the to-go box. Thank you." I replied, then I turned my head towards Cas after the waitress left to go and get our pie, looking him in the eyes. He still looked apologetic, but at the same time he was calming me down, all of my worries and all of my memories were washed away.

"So, what do you say we take the pie back to my place?" I smirked at him.

"That would be great." He replied with a smile, he looked down, and I thought I saw him blush.


	3. P Is For Pie and Possibilites

 

 

* * *

I remember a lot of laughing on the drive home. It was mostly because Cas was trying to sing along to the radio, but he kept hitting the wrong notes. It was rather adorable, but at the time i refused to admit that to myself.

Anytime after high school I had a hard time admitting anything to myself. Anything that might have been going good for me, anything I accomplished, anything at all really I refused to admit was real, or could potentially positively effect me. When your family leaves you as quickly as my family did you begin to doubt all good in the world. The one good thing I knew i had was Sam, but even he left, of course it was because of John and not me, but that doesn't change the fact that as a junior in high school I was by myself.

And then, there I was sitting in a car with the best thing that would ever happen to me, and I was refusing to let myself accept it because I felt that he too would be ripped from my grasp.

"WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAA LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!" Cas looked at me, eyes widened enthusiastically, "TAKE MY HAND, WE'LL MAKE IT I SWEAR!" he sang taking hold of my hand and trying ti get me to sing along with him. Eventually he broke me down and I got into it too.

I continued laughing and singing loudly along with Cas, and it is one of my favorite moments with him. It was so care free. We barely knew each other. It was basically two strangers sitting in a car together and not giving a damn what the other one thinks. It felt like we had known each other for ages.

And then we pulled into a parking space in front of my building.

"Do you have the pie?" I asked, licking my lips involuntarily. Cas lifted the two boxes as confirmation and we got out of the car.

"What are we even going to do? Just talk about random crap again?" Cas questioned as we walked through the elevator doors.

"Well I was kinda hoping I'd get to eat my pie." I replied with a smirk glancing at the elevator buttons. The ding that sounded throughout the elevator notified us that we had reached my floor.

"Pie. Pie. Pie." I could hear Cas silently chanting as I unlocked my door. I extended my arm opening the door motioning for him to enter first.

"Just set it on the table." I called to him, closing the door behind me and taking my shoes off. I walked into my small kitchen, opening the cabinet door and grabbing two plates and setting them out on the table. I then turned getting two forks out of the drawer next the the dishwasher and setting them next to the plates I had set out.

"And now we feast." I exclaimed fanning my hands out in a grand gesture that was extremely corny. Cas just began to chuckle at my bad attempt at being funny as he sat down.

"Damn. This is good pie." My words were garbled with the sound of pie being tossed around in my mouth.

"You doubted me?" Cas tried to look offended.

"I wouldn't say I doubted you. I was simply confirming what you had said earlier." Once again my speech was barely audible.

"Either your mother never taught you table manners or you truly enjoy the pie that much."

"The pie is just that good Cas. Oh my god." I groaned after taking another bite. And caught a glimpse of Cas moving slightly out of the corner of my eye in reaction to my groan. "I didn't get enough pie. I should have bought two slices."

"Dean I honestly don't think two slices would have been enough for you. You might have had to buy a whole other pie for you to be satisfied."

"Well what can I say. I love me some pie." A wide grin spread across my face and I could feel a little bit of filling on the corner of my mouth. I didn't think much of it, just licking it off,  but Cas sure did. At the time I noticed him stare, but I didn't think that it meant anything coming from him.

"So Cas, how do you like your pie?" I asked him.  He blinked away from the corner of my mouth and looked me in the eyes and asked me to repeat the question again.

"Oh yea, its great. But I've had this pie so many times before. So eating it isn't as... pleasurable, for me." His cheeks grew slightly red as he said the word pleasurable. I just look at him and shrugged.

"Okay, well what was your first time like?" I asked, "Eating the pie? "

"Well for one, I didn't moan after every bite." He and I shared a laugh after he had said that, but then he looked slightly more serious and said, "But I did enjoy it a lot, and I remember wanting to eat an entire pie."

"Have you ever eaten an entire pie in one sitting?"

"No Dean, I can't sag I have. Why would ask a question like that?"

"I don't know Cas. I'm just trying to keep the conversation going."

"Okay, so what do I do with my plate?" Cas gestured towards the empty plate in front of him.

"Oh, here give it to me." I said taking the plate from his hands. "Go ahead and sit down on the couch or something I'll be in there in a few minutes."

Cas got up and walked towards the couch as I began to wash the dishes. The silence made his fumbling for the remote, evident. Then I heard the TV start up and the sound of Cas laughing.

"Dean, Spongebob is still on!" And i heard more laughter. I smiled fondly as I continued to do the dishes and then he was at my side nearly giving me a heart attack.

"What the hell? How'd you get here so quick? You were just sitting on my couch?"

"I have the stealth skill of a cat." He laughed.

"Anyway, why are you over here? I'm almost done?"

"Well I didn't really want to watch Spongebob, and I didn't want to screw up your TV. Plus I was bored, and well... You're not boring." He looked down at the ground on the last sentence.

I dried off the plates and put them back in the cabinet and cleaned up the water in the surrounding area. And then I looked at Cas.

A surge came over me. Something I wasn't able to control took over me and I grabbed the bottom of Cas' chin and angling it towards my face. I looked him in the eyes for a few seconds and then parted my lips. At first I thought I was going to say something idiotic. But instead I found myself crashing our lips together. It may have really only lasted a second or two, but it felt like an eternity. It was a moment I never wanted to end.

When we pulled away both of our faces were covered in shock. I immediately felt my face heat up in a violent blush and I began to scratch the back of my head and look down at the ground. But before I could apologize he pulled me back in. Grabbing my shirt collar and crashing our lips together, slightly more forceful that the last time. And this time I knew what I felt was real. This time it did last a little longer. And all of the blood that had rushed to my cheeks out of embarrassment had rushed to my head and had begun to make me feel as though i were walking on air. We had only known each other for maybe a day and a half at the most, but it felt like we had known each other for weeks, even years. Like friends finally admitting their love for one another.

We spent a good minute or so kissing. Only stopping for air in the end. When we separated our breath was heavy and our eyes were getting more and more lust blown.

I grabbed Cas' arm and dragged him into the living room, sitting down on the couch. I hit the mute button on the remote and looked at Cas. He came over to me and sat on my lap, half straddling my legs and grabbed the back of my neck and planting another kiss onto my lips. This time things were more heated and frantic than they had been in the kitchen. Cas' tongue was fueled by curiosity when it traced the lining of my lips and then poked its way inside of my mouth. Our mouths following the same pattern each time, our heads bobbed together in the same synchronized fashion, the only thing that change was the placement of our hands. Constantly running up and down the backs of the other person. I could feel Cas' hands travel in opposite directions. One hand he began to card through my hair, the other one he wedged in between the small of my back and the couch, pulling me closer and closer to him. My hands slipped under the hem of his shirt grabbing onto his waist and pulling him closer to me. I could feel a slight buldge beginning to come about in my pants and that is when I knew we needed to calm down before I got too excited. It seemed Cas was having the same feelings because he was the one to initiate us slowing down.

The kisses were no longer sloppy and rough, instead they had reached a much neater, more gentle pace. Our hands although still roaming weren't as desperate to feel every part of the others body. We held each other close, but we were not as desperate to feel every ridge of the others body through the clothing as we had been before. Although my erection hadn't completely calmed down, the pool of warmth in my stomach had began to slowly disappear. He pulled away from my lips for a brief moment. His eyes began to slowly open at the same time as i had opened mine. Our pupils were blown wide with lust, but also love.

I must admit that I had always been one against saying "I love you." after only going out twice. But with Cas I knew. Of course I didn't say it, but I could see it. Our eyes although blown with lust,  were also filled with love and understanding. At that point in time it was more so understanding than anything else,  but it was in that moment I knew he was the one that would finally give me the perspective that I once had as a child. I knew Cas would be the one to open back up the positive light for me.

"I uhmm... Do you wanna spend the night Cas? I mean..." I looked away from his eyes and put my hand behind my head again, "we aren't going to be doing anything in a sexual way of course. But I mean sleep in my bed... with me." I asked.

"Yes... Yes Dean. I would love too." A smile cracked open on his pink face that was slowly turning back to the original white it had been about fifteen minutes ago.

I then grabbed the remote and lay down on my side. Leaving a space between my stomach and the edge of the couch and gesturing for Cas to lay down beside me. I wrapped my arms around his mid section and hit the mute button again to restore sound to the TV. I flipped through some channels before Cas took my hand, taking the remote from me. And turned the TV off.

"Goodnight Dean Winchester." He said interlacing his fingers between mine and holding my arm close to him.

"Goodnight Castiel Novak. I'll see you in the morning." I replied, squeezing our interlacing fingers as reassurance that this was all real and that I wasn't just making this up. I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the rhythmic rise and fall of his chest.


End file.
